Joe Jonas lost his V-card at 20 and smoked weed with Miley

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Joe Jonas opens up about sex, drugs, and the Jonas Brothers breakup in this brand new piece he penned for Vulture.

Here’s what the 24-year-old singer had to share with the site:

On losing his virginity: “We decided to take the rings off a few years ago. I lost my virginity when I was 20. I did other stuff before then, but I was sexually active at 20. I’m glad I waited for the right person, because you look back and you go, ‘That girl was batshit crazy. I’m glad I didn’t go there.’”

On experimenting with pot: “The first time I smoked weed was with Demi [Lovato] and Miley [Cyrus]. I must have been 17 or 18. They kept saying, ‘Try it! Try it!’ so I gave it a shot, and it was all right. I don’t even smoke weed that often anymore. I was caught drinking when I was 16 or 17, and I thought the world was going to collapse. But I was in another country, and it was legal there. My 21st birthday, I fell down a flight of stairs. I was unconscious that time, and my whole team was scared to death that somebody was going to get a picture. Now I appreciate wine or a vodka-soda at the end of the day every once in a while.”

On his relationships: “When I was 20, I started dating Ashley Greene, and she was my first serious relationship. We were together for almost a year. I was living out in L.A. by myself, and at the end of the day, long distance didn’t work. It’s incredibly difficult. I did a cover story with Details acknowledging the relationship, and the day after it was on newsstands, we announced our breakup. That was just coincidence, but it’s funny how that always happens, right? After Ashley, I took two or three years to just be single. I was hooking up and having fun. Now I’m with someone I really care about. We get each other.”

On hooking up with fans: “And, yes, I’ve dated fans. I can’t say that I’ve never put a foot in that world; there were times when I definitely took advantage of the opportunities I had. I remember I invited a fan to a movie, and we just made out the entire time.”

For more on Joe, visit Vulture.com!

This is probably one of my favorite thigns of all time. Hoe fucking desperate is Joe Jonas? I mean for real. The other two Jonas brothers have always known that they were just Jonas Brothers. Nick is on Broadway or something while Kevin is married and on reality tv. Joe thinks that he is Justin Timberlake or something when in reality he is just a Jc Chasez,not good enough to be a solo artist.

My favorite part of this whole thing is obviously the smoking weed thing. I will say Demi’s head may explode from this since she has been telling the world she is reformed and this is just shining a big ol spotlight on her wild teenage years. Miley on the other hand is only mentioned because she is relevant. Joe Jonas is probably sitting there just waiting to name drop so he can use her name! I am also surprised he didn’t throw T.Swift’s name in there since he likes to talk about her as much as possible.

Then we have Ashley Greene, the slut of Hollywood. Everyone knows who she is for the wrong reasons. She had about 5 lines in the entire Twilight series and she has also fucked all of Hollywood. She took Joe Jonas’ virginity then probably broke up with him immediately after. If I was Joe I would have just said Demi Lovato or Taylor Swift took my virginity and just roll with it. Also what a badass making out with fans right?! Please, Bieber is bringing them back to have orgies with strippers, you are not using anything to your advantage Joe Jonas.

Anyway, I really hope that Joe Jonas realizes that he is nothing but a serious joke. No one will ever take you seriously even if you name drop like a motherfucker. Joe Jonas, you will never be as famous as you think you should be.

Miley Cyrus will win TIME magazine Person of the Year

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Miley can’t stop and she won’t stop! She is leading the polls right now in the vote for TIME magazine’s person of the year and I know why! Miley has a big gay fan base, everyone knows it. Know who she is up against? Well a few people I don’t know and fucking Vladimir Putin! That Russian dictator who is all against gay rights, so obviously he isn’t going to win.

May I also say that I just voted for Miley Cyrus and it was between her and Jimmy Fallon, fucking really? Jimmy Fallon is so fucking annoying I would cry if I saw him on the cover of this damn magazine. Would he do a weird impression then a weird dance and then have Justin Timberlake on the cover with him? Probably.

Can you imagine if she wins though? I always thought that TIME magazine was a respected magazine that old people loved to read but with Miley on the cover, it will probably be its biggest seller right? It is just so fucking hilarious. I would love to see that bleach blonde bitch with her tongue sticking on out the cover of that magazine.

Miley can’t stop, she won’t stop, this is Miley’s world and we are just living it.

Taylor Swift crushes the AMA carpet

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Let’s be real, this is T.Swifts sexiest look ever right? Golden sandal heels, legs for days, messy sex hair, and a short ass dress. This is one of the first times she decided not to wear a fucking prom dress to an award show and she made the right decision. My theory is that she knew that Harry Styles and Kendall would be there so she needed to vamp it up.

Brava T.Swift, you won the competition. With those legs for days, that light make up, and crazy sex hair you won this war.

There is nothing she does better than revenge or apparently fashion.

Miley Cyrus won the AMAs

Yes, I am aware that Miley wasn’t nominated for any awards this year because her record came out too late in the year but home girl did incredible closing the show. I mean I feel like people are finally accepting that she is talented as hell. Now the thing that is really getting to me is that everyone is focusing on the video in the background. Who cares?! She had a flying cat in the background, whatever. It was just there to chill, what is this performance too calm?

People are going to hate on her no matter what, whether she keeps it PG-13 or makes her performance R rated. Clearly she didnt want another mess like the VMAs so she wanted to dress a little risky and sing with a cat, better than singing with Robin Thicke.

All I can say is that whoever put together the AMAs did it right making her perform last because people wanted to see how she would act. In my opinion, she did fucking fabulous, hell I think she even almost started to cry.

You go Miley Cyrus!

Little Miss Sunshine Gone Wild

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Abigail Breslin, 17, is no longer the little awkward kid from Little Miss Sunshine and she wants the world to know it! She did what anyone would do to get out of that awkward phase. Her transition was almost as smooth as Emma Watson’s, almost. She decided to take some pictures with creepy Tyler Shields. Yeah this photographer kind of creeps me out and I feel like he is a poor man’s Terry Richardson who is ever creepier. I would just like to know how this is art where as Miley Cyrus doing it is trash. Hm?! Hmmm?!?

Anyway good for Abigail breaking out of that awkward phase since I literally cannot think of another movie she has been in. I think that she was the little girl in Signs too. According to IMDB she was in New Years Eve too but let’s be honest, no one has seen that movie in its entirety. After reading about her she kind of seems like an asshole too, not sure if I am liking this more confident Little Miss Sunshine at all.

“I wish I had some great story about the struggle of moving into the more adult roles, but I actually didn’t,” she said in an interview with ABC News in October. “I didn’t have a big struggle with it at all. It’s been pretty natural, the transition into the teen and adult realm.”

“My favorite thing in the world that me and my friends talk about is that I’ve been all grown up for about three years now,” she joked to ABC. “Every single time I’m photographed anywhere, the headline is ‘All Grown Up.’ It’s been about three years. I’m like, ‘Okay, yeah, I’m all grown up.'”\
Okay you pompous little asshole we get it you are famous and it wasn’t hard for you to make it Hollywood once you grew up. Fuck you.

Bleach my eyebrows and call me Miley

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Little Kendall Jenner is running around showing her tits off on Instagram but one of the biggest stories is that Miley Cyrus bleached her eyebrows. In my opinion this is no big deal. Does she look different, yes? Do you think she cares, no. If everyone hasn’t realized it yet Miley Cyrus is an absolute genius with everything she does. You can sit there and say she had no talent, shes trashy, whatever you want to say guess what. She is still making you talk about her. After her semi normal X-Factor performance you knew that she needed to do something to get people talking again and this is the perfect plan!

Anyway you know that the hot new trend is going to be either shaving off your eyebrows or bleaching them. Either way it will be bad ass.

Rock on Miley.

Liam Hemsworth throwin’ shade at Miley

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Liam Hemsworth is easily one of the sexiest people on the planet and he wants the world to know that he is very happy without Miley Cyrus. Do you know how much I wish I could have been there to see this break up? Liam would be yelling in his sexy Austrailian accent while Miley is screaming in her weird southern accent that she has going on. Anyway, in a recent interview Liam admitted that he was happier than ever. This is the quote that really kills me though, like just a big fuck you to Miley.

”These days I feel like I’m more centered and grounded than I’ve ever been,” Liam reveals in a new interview. “For a few years I went down a path where I forgot to be in the moment and enjoy the moment,” Liam, 23, says in a new interview with the Associated Press.

Like damn bro, way to just say that Miley isn’t grounded and you were basically never happy. Wonder if Miley will even respond to this nonsense.

As for his rumors of cheating, he didn’t like that one bit!

“What I always keep in mind is that I know what the truth is and that’s all that matters,” Liam says. “I know I’m a good person.”

No but those pictures of him making out with that Mexican chick wasn’t cool, just sayin’.

He also admitted his love for Jennifer Lawrence.

“Being around someone like Jen, who is so honest and laughs all day long, I am forced to be in the right now. I’m much happier.”

Can you imagine how tall and blonde their babies would be? Oh my mind is racing, anyway.

Anyway I am sure that nothing will even come of these quotes because Miley is so high she can’t even hear him. I am just surprised he even mentioned Miley because she rules the world at the moment.

Kendall Jenner is following in Kim K’s footsteps

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It was really only a matter of time before the two youngest of the Jenner/Kardashian clan started to show off their bodies right? By bodies I of course mean boobs and such. Kendall has been 18 for all of 2 seconds so of course she is going to post a picture of her nipples on Instagram. More power to you Kendall, you are just trying to remind people that there is a new generation of hoe and they better respect that! Honestly though Miley Cyrus would be getting so much shit for posting a picture like this. Right now people are like well Kendall is 18 and just showing that she is an adult, well okay people.

I am just waiting for the next Kardashian sex tape comes out because you know that it is on its way. Maybe it will be a Khloe and Lamar sex tape, that would be weird to watch, just two giants bumping uglies. I need to know right now who Kendall’s new frenemy is going to be because we need a Kim and Paris 2.0 right this instant.

Lorde can be my ruler.

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Lorde can be my ruler, I truly mean that when I say it too. Lorde is the newest musician that has really caught the attention of me and the rest of the world. She has a very different sound, like Lana Del Rey except way better. Another thing is that she is only 16 and she is talking about walking tiger’s on gold leashes, what a fucking badass. When people say that Lorde’s song “Royals” is annoying it is clear that they just don’t understand what good music is. Being only 16 if you listen to more than just the song “Royals” as a listener you will realize that she is wise beyond her years. Although she has thrown shade at my queen Miley Cyrus, Taylor Swift, and little Selena Gomez she doesn’t really get any shit for it because she is just so damn talented. Lorde is going to rule the music scene for a while, I am sure of it. A sound that is unique and isn’t about a break up is just what the music industry needs. A young strong vocalist who seems to have a good head on her shoulders. So Lorde, you can be my ruler, I will call you queen B (Although the true Queen B will always be Blair Waldorf) and you can live your fantasy. If you haven’t listened to her other songs I would strongly recommend doing that right this instant.

Miley Cyrus Virus

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Miley Cyrus lit up a blunt at the EMA’s over the weekend and everyone is losing their shit. Most people are over her wild antics but I say, bring it on. If someone didn’t smoke weed on stage I would be upset. The shows were taking place in Amsterdam! Fucking Amsterdam! It isn’t like she lit up a blunt at Buckingham Palace. She lit it up where basically everything is legalized and no one gives a fuck about anything except for having a good time. She also sang her ass off that night and probably just needed a little Mary Jane to relax after such an amazing performance. Maybe it was a celebratory blunt because she won an award! To those of you who are saying she is a bad role model and doesn’t deserve her fame let me list off people who are worse role models and you could dislike more than little Miley Cyrus and her twerking weed smoking ass.

10.Cameron Diaz- I have read for years that she is extremely rude to her fans. Fuck you we pay to see your shitty movies.

09. Ben Rothlisberger- Or as I like to call him Ben “Rapelisberger”, to be accused of rape on different occasions isn’t a good look for anyone never mind a professional football player. I think if you are accused of raping someone more than 3 times there is a good chance you actually did rape someone. I am just sayin!

08. Justin Bieber- He has a whole list of things against him but I don’t feel the need to list them since people most likely already know what I am going to say.What pissed me off the most though is when he pissed in a mop bucket. Bro that is someones job, just because they don’t make millions doesn’t mean they dont matter.

07. Rachel McAdams- She lied about her age when she first became famous and she is in another movie about time travelers.

06. Alec Baldwin- He called his 12 year old daughter a pig once and attacks every paparazzi that he sees. He also likes Words With Friends, so he is obviously living in 2011, grow up.

05. Sinead O’Connor- She ripped up a picture of the Pope then went on to yell at Miley for being too controversial.

04. Michael Vick- How many dogs did he kill? People say that he did his time and is now back in the NFL. If someone can harm a poor defenseless animal then fuck them. He should be in jail for life.

03. R.Kelly- Remember that time he married Aliyah (RIP) when she was like 15 then they got divorced so he allegedly pee’d on some random 14 year olds. Yeah, fuck that guy.

02. Courtney Love- Just google that train wreck. She isn’t a fun one to watch either.

01. Chris Brown- If there is one thing about this blog you should realize now, this man is a man I truly hate. He beat the absolute shit out of Rihanna and people still love him. No man should ever put his hands on a woman, ever. He has also throw chairs out of windows in fits of rage. Chris Brown is an asshole. Plain and simple, doesn’t deserve his fame.