My ‘Britney Ever After’ Review

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Now listen, I have seen plenty of Lifetime movies in my day, I am very aware that the acting is usually awful, the plot lines are a mess, and I shouldn’t have high expectations. So I went into watching this movie with very low expectations.

Did I think they would do Britney as dirty as they did though? No, I absolutely didn’t.

The acting was awful, sorry Lifetime Britney but you tried, I could tell that you tried, it just didn’t happen. I have to admit I enjoyed the Justin Timberlake actor because he had the most absurd lines in the entire movie.

So here I go with my review, I am going to try not to ramble too much, but I know that I will.

Buckle up and get ready for this ride.

One of the first times we meet young Britney in this Lifetime disaster she is wearing her pigtails and getting ready to join *NSYNC on tour. Right away the guy operating the security gate comments on how much he loves her video. This sets a tone for the entire movie. This movie isn’t about Britney, it is about the men that they thought defined Britney.

Insert the first man that Lifetime decided defined Britney’s life. Forget about how she was selling millions of albums and becoming one of the hottest female artists of all time. Nope, all that mattered was that she was dating Justin Timberlake. Of course I am sure it was a big party of Britney’s life but it wasn’t everything. The media made it everything but Britney was so much more than simply Justin’s girlfriend, that’s all I am saying.

On to the next man that defined Britney. Her father? The movie made him out to be a raging alcoholic who hated everyone and was a grump. It’s strange because I have never heard about him being an issue. It always seemed like her mother was almost like Kris Jenner but you never heard much about her father. He got conservator-ship over Britney in the end, so for some reason I don’t believe what Lifetime was giving us there.

Third man that they said defined Britney, Wade Robson. Okay, so he was shown when Justin was dating Britney. Rumors have been happening for over a decade that she cheated on Justin with Wade and of course Lifetime took time to expose that. Lifetime also made sure to keep Justin the sweetest man of all time who was only jealous here and there, but other than that he basically kissed the ground Britney walked on. You know, it can’t be a man’s fault why a couple doesn’t work.

Insert my favorite part of the movie. There have been many rumors about the dance off that happened between Britney and Justin at some nightclub in Los Angeles after they broke up. Luckily, Lifetime recreated it and we all knew that Britney won that one.

There was nothing exploring Britney’s reaction to “Cry Me A River” though, something that I was sure Lifetime would eat up. There was a moment after her Madonna kiss where she called Cameron Diaz old though.

Fourth man that defined Britney, Jason Alexander. Remember how she was married for like 55 hours or something like that?

Lifetime forgot to mention that she had won a GRAMMY and also starred in a movie, they didn’t show her working on another album, nope just jumping from her dance off to being in Vegas married her childhood friend.

What happened after that? Well it showed her partying for about a second then there was a long sequence of her and Kevin Federline having sex, before she proposed to him. Yup, that’s about it. Man number five that defined Britney, not one mention about the records that she set or anything like that, instead it was all about her sleeping with Kevin and slowly unraveling like her manager called it.

Are you feeling sick yet? I was at this point but I also knew that I had to stay in for this wild ride. I had already given an hour of my life to ‘Britney Ever After’ and I couldn’t quit now. I had to give my readers an honest review!

Honestly, I am not even going to talk about 2007 and Britney anymore. There is absolutely no need for it, it happened ten years ago. Ten years ago and it is still something that has defined this pop princess. It absolutely kills me that people want to bring this up and make fun of her for it. Clearly Britney had undiagnosed mental health issues, so I am just going to leave it there.

Don’t worry though, they brought fucking Sam Lufti back into the picture. The guy who nearly ruined Britney’s life and became her new manager for a hot second during that year. They also made sure to remind everyone that Justin Timberlake is the perfect human and went to check on Britney before her VMA performance, something that I am totally sure was fabricated. Obviously a lot of this story was probably fabricated but that point made my blood boil.

The rest of the movie happened quickly because again, Lifetime didn’t care about Britney’s comeback, they only wanted to talk about her fall from grace and all of the men that she had by her side.

Now it is 2017, ten years after Britney’s very public meltdown and she is an icon. Whether you hate or love her, she is an icon in her own right. She reinvented the Vegas residency and she seems to be a great mother to two boys.

This movie was just out to make Britney look bad, which I kind of expected.

Whoever wrote the script for this movie clearly hates women.

Britney is more than Justin Timberlake’s ex-girlfriend, she is more than Kevin Federline’s ex-wife, she is more than her public meltdown.

She’s Britney, bitch.

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