Now I know that this a few days old and whatever but I have been sitting here pouting about the fact that Charlie Hunnam or Chris Hemsworth didn’t win. I mean seriously, what in the fuck are people are People’s Magazine thinking? Why not leave this up to the people?! Leave the sexiest man alive up to the fucking women of this world! Women power! Adam Levine is a weaselly looking cocky mother fucker with a high voice. Sorry, was that too harsh? Not only is this a fucked up first choice the top 15 or whatever was pretty bad too, although there were a few good ones. It was mostly bad.
2. Idris Elba- I believe a few days ago I said he should have been on the cover or one of the runner ups, so I was correct. Something about that man that is just sexy as hell.
3, Luke Bryan- I did not see that dark horse coming but alright, I see you. I guess I don’t find him all that sexy but he has really nice arms. I can see why he would make it to the top 10.
4- Jimmy Fallon- What in the actual fuck is going on here? Do people actually think that Jimmy Fallon is sexy? He is like one of your little brother’s friend that would talk really loud in the house to get attention. We get it Jimmy we can do impressions congrats, on to the next!
5- Bruno Mars- Bruno has an incredible voice but he is not sexy. He is about 5 foot nothing and probably can’t even ride most rides at an amusement park without an adult. Yes, super talented. Not super sexy.
6- Johnathan & Drew Scott- I dont even know who the fuck these twins are but apparently they count as one person. After reading their tiny bullshit description I still don’t know who they are. Get these assholes out of here!
7- Justin Timberlake- After having an incredible year he should have been number one. Believe it or not I am not even attracted to him but I still think that he deserved the top spot. Fuck you People Magazine, Fuck you.
8- Chris Pine- Something about this mother fucker always bothered me and I don’t know what it is. Maybe it is his weird pouty lips or his voice. Since Just My Luck I just haven’t been interested in him at all. Chris Pine seems like the kid that was really weird and smart in high school then graduated and got semi good looking and now it is all that he lives for. “Hey I used to be weird but look at me now” type deal, fuck that noise.
9- Pharrell Williams- Yeah alright, that timeless face will do. Black don’t crack and he is the prime example of that.
10- Ronan Farrow- Yet another nobody on this list, People magazine dropping the ball all over the place. This is apparently Mia Farrow’s kid and his dad might be Frank Sinatra or something, if it is Frankie. Sorry you never met your dad Ronan.
11- Justin Theoroux- Random and not worthy of being so high on the list but he is hot. He can also break dance which makes him hotter and he got my girl Jen Aniston so I can respect that. Just random.
12- David Backham- Look they got another one right, good job! David Beckham will always be one of the sexiest men ever. The end.
Seriously though, where is Charlie Hunnam, Chris Hemsworth, and Chris Evans right now? This is the most jacked up top 12 I have ever seen in my life.