Lamar Odom: From Crack to the Clippers

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The chronicles of of Lamar Odom’s wild summer has been well documented by celebrity websites all over the interweb. TMZ has gotten ever angle of it while Perez Hilton also wrote about Odom’s newest habits. Odom had basically been on a steady downfall since about July and is slowly starting to make his way back uphill. Apparently Odom has a strong chance of signing with the Los Angeles Clippers, which is a success story to everyone right? From crackhead to the Clippers, what a Cinderella story for the ages! Truth be told he was the only one I ever liked on Keeping Up with the Kardashians. He seemed to be the most normal and after a serious drug problem you know he was the most normal. Hell I would be doing drugs if Kris Jenner was my mother in law too. Anyway, I do hope that Odom can get himself cleaned up and go back to basketball. Just remember kids, crack is whack.

Leonardo DiCaprio is a unicorn

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Apparently some old washed up video vixen who was engaged to Tommy Lee decided to come out and talk about her sex life. She wrote some autobiography about how sad she was when Tommy went with Pam and all of this other boring stuff. When I first heard about her I figured that she would be irrelevant to my life until I read her quote about spending a night with a 19 year old Leonardo DiCaprio.

“I unbuttoned his jeans and tugged down on his boxers,” Bobbie, who was twenty-six at the time, wrote in the book (via The Daily Mail). “(What) I saw made me gasp. It made no sense. The kid put Tommy Lee to shame.” It goes to to read “Waves of satisfaction rippled through my body. If only Tommy Lee could see me now. He was a unicorn. Rare, innocent, and horny. Me, on the other hand, I’d been engaged, married and had given birth. I needed a man, not a man-child,” she added.

Using the term unicorn to describe Leo is my new favorite thing in the world. A unicorn is a rare, innocent, and horny creature. Dear God is there any better way to put it? Also reading this makes sense on how he continues to get so many women even though he is starting to look a bit bloated in his face. That and the fact he was Jack fucking Dawson, the ultimate dream boat. May I add that she says he puts Tommy Lee to shame, if you haven’t seen the porno he basically steers the boat with his penis. So thank you Bobbie whoever you are for describing a young Leonardo DiCaprio as a unicorn. I would use that term for an older Leonardo DiCaprio as well considering he is an incredible actor who will never win an Oscar.

Oh Leo, such a unicorn.

No name Victoria’s Secret Angel vs Taylor Swift

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(E!) Looks like Taylor Swift has some mixed reviews from her performance at the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show. The singer took the stage at the Lexington Armory in NYC on Wednesday, Nov. 13, belting out her hit tunes as a bevy of the VS beauties walked the runway in barely-there attire. And while the “I Knew You Were Trouble” singer may have declared herself “Best Friends Forever” with a few of the Victoria’s Secret Angels, including Lily Aldridge, Erin Heatherton and Cara Delevingne, not every supermodel is singing the songbird’s praises. “I think, you know what, god bless her [Taylor Swift] heart. I think she’s great,” Jessica Hart said to Women’s Wear Daily at the show’s afterparty before throwing some shade at the singer. “But, I don’t know, to me, she didn’t fit. I don’t know if I should say that.” Asked whether the seven-time Grammy winner could pull off being a Victoria’s Secret model, the 27-year-old Australian beauty simply replied, “No.”

First of all can we just talk about how this Angel is obviously just looking to get some publicity. Well it worked because now everyone is mad at her. This girl is clearly just pissed that T.Swift absolutely stole the stage that night, sorry models, T.Swift made you all look silly. In all reality she looked like a damn model up there herself, so I am going to stop typing and just let the pictures do the talking.

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 According to Huffington Post Jessica Hart’s PR camp just released this statement.

“Jess was taken out of context, in what she was trying to say was that Taylor thought she didn’t fit, not that Jessica thought she didn’t fit,”

If you can’t stand the heat then don’t even speak bad about T.Swift because her loyal band of followers will rip you apart.

Celebrities Are Tragic Facebook page!

GQ Men of the Year 2013

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GQ is one of those magazines that I honestly do not pay much attention to. I feel like they want straight men to read it and use their helpful fashion tips but I don’t think that actually happens. Maybe it does, fuck if I know! Anyway they recently made a top 5 of the men of the year and here you have it.

Matthew McConaughey, Will Ferrell, Justin Timberlake, Kendrick Lamar, and James Gandolfini

First off I will say that I am 300% behind making James Gandolfini one of the men of the year. He pretty much changed television as Tony Soprano and from what everyone says he was an awesome guy. Great actor+awesome guy+ died too soon= GQ man of the year.
Justin Timberlake is also an obvious shoe in for this man of the year award. In the magazine he kind of sounds like a dick saying that he will never give up on acting and gets mad when people say his movies bomb…because they do…Other than that though he deserves it. Growing up I was always a BSB fan but lets be real Justin Timberlake is quickly taking Michael Jackson’s spot at king of pop since he is constantly reinventing himself and the music he sings.
Kendrick Lamar is an alright choice, I don’t really know too much about him but I have heard his music and it is good. He also called out every rapper ever so he has some balls even though he stands at like 5’2.
Will Ferrell- This one I don’t understand, then again I have never understood the whole love of Will Ferrell, he is alright in my opinion but plays the same character in every movie. He is coming out with Anchorman 2 and everyone is getting their panties in a bunch so it makes yet again, I get why they put him on the cover. Having him as himself and as Ron Burgendy is also a genius idea.
Matthew McConaughey, I fucking hate this choice. I cannot stand Matthew McConaughey and I haven’t for years now. I get it you have a weird stoner like southern drawl but why in the fuck is he on this cover? If it is because he didn’t make a sequel to Fool’s Gold then sign me up. Maybe it was because he lost all that weight for some movie that is coming out soon. Whatever it is, he shouldn’t be on this cover. Just sayin’.

Drake and Rihanna: New Power Couple?

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Oh Na Na, word on the street is that Drake and Rihanna are getting cozy again. To this I will shout from the rooftops how happy I am about this. Since I heard Drake say that Rihanna was good with them soft lips, I knew that they were meant to be. Well he sang those lyrics in a song but I assume that it is true. Anyway, I was shattered when she left him the first time for Chris Beatherdown Brown but this could be their shot! They allegedly spent about 10,000 at a strip club in Texas and left together at 5 a.m. Looks like wheelchair Jimmy doesn’t have any issues with anything anymore. If Drake and Rihanna get together it means more amazing collaborations between the two of them.

Honestly though I think think Drake is like Screech and Rihanna is like Lisa Turtle. Or that Rihanna is like Jackie while Drake is like Fex. The boy will pine over her for years and maybe, just maybe they will end up together. I won’t hold my breath though. In the mean time I will simply sing Oh Na Na and think of a couple name for these two. Drihanna? Rihake? Eh, that will take some time.

Alec Baldwin: Asshole or realist?

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There comes a time when a man like Alec Baldwin must face the music with his outpouring hatred of just about everyone. Yesterday he was on the stand due to a stalking case, where he cried about how much it hurt his life, and eventually the stalker was found guilty. Since then though it seems like Alec has really lost his shit. He called a paprazzi a “cock sucking fag” his words not mine. I get it paparazzi are overbearing to celebrities, I really do understand that but those terms, after you have already been in trouble for saying terms like this before? I can see Tina Fey shaking her head in shame right now.

Now my question is, is this finally the end to Baldwin? Well people finally stop liking him and laughing at his terrible jokes? I really have no idea. I personally stopped liking him back when I was 13 or 14 because he called his daughter a 12 year old ungrateful little pig. Let us not forget Words With Friends gate last year either. He wasn’t very polite to anyone then either.

Are people finally going to be sick of this bloated alcoholic mess of an “actor”, a term I use very loosely when it comes to him.

Lorde can be my ruler.

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Lorde can be my ruler, I truly mean that when I say it too. Lorde is the newest musician that has really caught the attention of me and the rest of the world. She has a very different sound, like Lana Del Rey except way better. Another thing is that she is only 16 and she is talking about walking tiger’s on gold leashes, what a fucking badass. When people say that Lorde’s song “Royals” is annoying it is clear that they just don’t understand what good music is. Being only 16 if you listen to more than just the song “Royals” as a listener you will realize that she is wise beyond her years. Although she has thrown shade at my queen Miley Cyrus, Taylor Swift, and little Selena Gomez she doesn’t really get any shit for it because she is just so damn talented. Lorde is going to rule the music scene for a while, I am sure of it. A sound that is unique and isn’t about a break up is just what the music industry needs. A young strong vocalist who seems to have a good head on her shoulders. So Lorde, you can be my ruler, I will call you queen B (Although the true Queen B will always be Blair Waldorf) and you can live your fantasy. If you haven’t listened to her other songs I would strongly recommend doing that right this instant.

The mysterious case of Zac Efron’s jaw

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Zac Efron is a Greek God, gorgeous blue eyes, muscles for days, and a jawline made from stone. So I thought at least. So far these past three months haven’t been the best for the gorgeous actor. It was leaked that Mr.Efron had two trips to rehab for coke and alcohol problems and that he wasn’t showing up on set of his movie Neighbors. Anyway the strangest story this year has to be his broken jaw right? Poor little Zac has to have his jaw wired shut for God knows how long because he slipped on a puddle outside of his house? Now let me tell you, I have had some pretty serious falls in my life but breaking your jaw from falling? That doesn’t sound right to me. After doing a little more digging, thanks to TMZ, I learned that he also didn’t call 911 he somehow just ended up in the ER.

Now I am one for conspiracy theories, that is for sure.

Theory 1) Zac was chewing on a jawbreaker and just so happened to fall at the same time, therefor he broke his jaw,

Theory 2) Zac was feening for some coke and clenched his jaw so hard it broke.

Theory 3) My final theory is probably the most realistic one. He was drunk and fell and broke his jaw.

I am really curious to see how this all play’s out since his publicists clearly don’t know how to make a real cover up story. For now I will just sit here and pray that his fantastic jawline doesn’t get fucked up for good.

Miley Cyrus Virus

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Miley Cyrus lit up a blunt at the EMA’s over the weekend and everyone is losing their shit. Most people are over her wild antics but I say, bring it on. If someone didn’t smoke weed on stage I would be upset. The shows were taking place in Amsterdam! Fucking Amsterdam! It isn’t like she lit up a blunt at Buckingham Palace. She lit it up where basically everything is legalized and no one gives a fuck about anything except for having a good time. She also sang her ass off that night and probably just needed a little Mary Jane to relax after such an amazing performance. Maybe it was a celebratory blunt because she won an award! To those of you who are saying she is a bad role model and doesn’t deserve her fame let me list off people who are worse role models and you could dislike more than little Miley Cyrus and her twerking weed smoking ass.

10.Cameron Diaz- I have read for years that she is extremely rude to her fans. Fuck you we pay to see your shitty movies.

09. Ben Rothlisberger- Or as I like to call him Ben “Rapelisberger”, to be accused of rape on different occasions isn’t a good look for anyone never mind a professional football player. I think if you are accused of raping someone more than 3 times there is a good chance you actually did rape someone. I am just sayin!

08. Justin Bieber- He has a whole list of things against him but I don’t feel the need to list them since people most likely already know what I am going to say.What pissed me off the most though is when he pissed in a mop bucket. Bro that is someones job, just because they don’t make millions doesn’t mean they dont matter.

07. Rachel McAdams- She lied about her age when she first became famous and she is in another movie about time travelers.

06. Alec Baldwin- He called his 12 year old daughter a pig once and attacks every paparazzi that he sees. He also likes Words With Friends, so he is obviously living in 2011, grow up.

05. Sinead O’Connor- She ripped up a picture of the Pope then went on to yell at Miley for being too controversial.

04. Michael Vick- How many dogs did he kill? People say that he did his time and is now back in the NFL. If someone can harm a poor defenseless animal then fuck them. He should be in jail for life.

03. R.Kelly- Remember that time he married Aliyah (RIP) when she was like 15 then they got divorced so he allegedly pee’d on some random 14 year olds. Yeah, fuck that guy.

02. Courtney Love- Just google that train wreck. She isn’t a fun one to watch either.

01. Chris Brown- If there is one thing about this blog you should realize now, this man is a man I truly hate. He beat the absolute shit out of Rihanna and people still love him. No man should ever put his hands on a woman, ever. He has also throw chairs out of windows in fits of rage. Chris Brown is an asshole. Plain and simple, doesn’t deserve his fame.