celebrities – Laguna Biotch Spills

The Wanted Have Decided To “Take a Break”

It is time for all music lovers to rejoice since The Wanted have finally decided to stop making music! Yes! I mean if your E! reality show gets cancelled you probably don’t have much going for you anyway. Let’s be honest though this band was one of the worst boy bands of all time and I mean that. The fucking worst.

To start off these guys tried to have a fist fight with One Direction, fuck you guys, at least their music is good. Oh the bald one also fucked Lindsay Lohan, atrocious, and the weird elf looking one dated Ariana Grande. Then the kind of attractive one with black spikey hair was engaged, and the other two are not attractive. What did they think they were going to do? You could only do so many versions of the same song. ‘Glad you Came’ wasn’t the worst song in the world, the rest of their songs were though. ‘Walks like Rihanna’ what the fuck was that?That was the best song you could think of? There are five of you! At least one needs to have a brain.

The nail in this coffin was when they tried to make fun of the two boy band legends, the two bands that made boy bands cool in the 90’s. Backstreet Boys and Nsync, don’t you even try to think you are better than them. Fuck you guys!

So let me make myself clear, I am not glad you came but I am beyond happy that you are finally leaving. They will probably try and make a come back but by that time no one will care about them.

Amber Heard Will Soon Be Amber Depp

Now I am not sure how soon is soon but Amber Heard is doing something so good that Johnny Depp had to put a ring on it. This couple met on the set of his movie ‘Rum Diary’ while he was still with his ex of 14 years, Vanessa Paradis. Quickly after the release of the movie, the couple broke up and Amber stopped being a lesbian and moved on to Depp. Yeah, that’s right, this blonde beauty was a lesbian for a while, Johnny Depp changed her mind though apparently.

Right when they started to day things got hot fast, Depp named a private island or some shit after her. I wish I had someone to name a private island after me! They have always been pretty quiet about their relationship until recently though so good for them finally feeling comfortable enough to share how beautiful they are with the rest of us little ugly people of the world.

How bad do you think that Vanessa Paradis feels though? Homegirl was with this weird artist for 14 years and then boom, he leaves her for a hot young thing. Well I would probably leave someone for Heard too but that isn’t the point! She said recently that she isn’t bitter but can you imagine what she is plotting? She will probably end up dating Clooney or something as a big fuck you to Depp.

Anyway, good luck to these two and good job for sinking your nails into Depp’s back Amber, you nabbed one of the sexiest men of all time.

Justin and Selena are back on!

I was just wondering who called that these two would end up back together when Selena announced her break and Justin announced his break. I did! I swear, I know more about celebrity couples than celebrities know! I mean look at these two just scootering about Justin’s neighborhood, probably after smoking a doobie or two. Alright, Justin probably smoked some, Selena probably judged him.

Honestly what is Selena thinking right now though? This is not a good look for you girl! Justin has been going down a free fall and you aren’t. Keep it that way. Bieber got filmed by a damn Brazilian prostitute, learn from it girl! You don’t want to be with that. Justin is a want to be bad boy, which is worse than an actual bad boy. Bad boy’s do shit and just say whatever. Justin looks to do things that made him look tough.

Selena I was starting to like you, when you said you made Justin cry was one of my favorite things ever. Now you are back scootering with him. Not a good look girl. Happy 2014 Beliebers because your master is back with his ex who makes fun of him.

Selena get ready for those crazy Belieber death threats!

Miley & Kellan will be the hottest thing in 2014!

So these two were spotted partying together last night after Miley went and saw Lady Spears on her opening night in Vegas. No idea if Kellan went but he went to whatever after party Miley was at. These two are either using each other or actually like each other. Judging by Miley’s crazy eyes in this picture she seems drunk as shit so maybe she just likes having a muscular guy to bump uglies with after a long night of drinking.

Allegedly she also invited him to see her perform on New Years, which of course is her also saying that she would like him to be her New Years kiss and what not. There is a small part of me that thinks this is all for publicity though, more so for Kellan than for Miley. Miley needs no help in the entertainment world. He is going to be in a new Hercules movie that probably wont do well at all, so he needs something to fall back on. I just feel like Miley would try and keep it more private if it was actually a real relationship considering her train wreck failed engagement that just happened.

For real though, I am obsessed if this couple is the real deal. If it is isn’t the real deal, then they are at least nice to look at.

Hillary Clinton is Barbara Walters’ most fascinating person of 2013.

You know, I really didn’t see this coming, I really didn’t. I completely forgot that they always keep the first person a secret so hell, I thought that I knew all of the people! Surprise, I was wrong! Barbara is all about having Hillary run for President and I think that would be pretty cool. I think that it is time for a woman President just to make sure that everything happened. She is saying that her hardest times were her personal times, losing her parents. She didn’t talk about the whole Bill Clinton getting head in the Oval Office which kind of sucked right? I mean that must have been absolutely terrible for her, she needs to really open up about that shit!

I don’t pay too much attention to politics, I think that our country is fucked no matter what. Anyway, I like the way that Hillary holds herself, she is very professional and I love that. Hillary is a strong woman and it is important to have strong women in the media.

Barbara Walters 10 fascinating people review.

So every year Barbara Walkers puts together a list of people she finds interesting. Being 102 you would think she found everyone interesting because they can do things that she can’t. They can go on carnival rides, and walk around for hours. They don’t all get the senior discount at Denny’s though! She is one up on them in that respect. Anyway this is her list from 2013 and I will give my take on each of them. Exciting stuff, I know.

• ABC anchor Robin Roberts- You know I think that this is actually a really good pick. I don’t watch Good Morning America, I think it is too chaotic for me to even enjoy at 6 in the morning but I like Robin Roberts. She handled her fight with cancer with dignity and never said “poor me” she always put a smile on her face. Seeing how she stepped up really is incredible and I give her credit for putting on a brave face.

• Oscar winner Jennifer Lawrence- Is there anything negative that could be said about this little golden retriever of an actress? Jennifer Lawrence is fucking golden and she deserves every award ever. Give her the Nobel Peace Prize too! If Obama can get it for no reason then Jennifer Lawrence should get it as well! She is either 23 or 24, and has been nominated for two Oscars, winning one of them. She can laugh at herself in interviews. I give this girl a lot of credit and can’t wait to see what she has in store for us for the future. She is like the next Meryl Streep or some shit.

• The stars of Duck Dynasty- I have never watched this show and I probably never will. People love these assholes for being rednecks and shit like that. I am all set with this show, it is just a more grown up version of Buckwild right? They also have money which Buckwild kids did not have. Yeah, I am all set with them. Take them off of the list, please and thank you.

• Singer Miley Cyrus- Yes, yes ,yes. People think that Miley Cyrus is just the next trainwreck but she is fucking brilliant, she knows exactly what she is doing. She knows that the more wild she acts that means she gets attention. If she was just normal she would hardly be in the papers at all. Apparently she talks about her broken engagement with Liam which I can’t wait to see. I hope she really digs into it, if she doesn’t that is okay though. She is just being Miley.

• Pope Francis- The new Pope is really cool, I like that man. He can stay.

• Prince George- I don’t understand how this little royal even counts. Is Barbara going to sit there with a newborn and just ask him questions while he shits and cries? That just doesn’t sound like riveting news in my opinion. If she has an interview with Will and Kate though that will be perfect, they are the perfect couple. Prince George should be voted off of the list though.

• Long-distance swimmer Diana Nyad- This bitch! I cannot stand Diana Nyad because she cheated, she cheated swimming from Florida to Cuba which Cubans do every day. I don’t think that she deserved this at all. In case you didn’t know she has tried this a million and a half times and finally got it but only because people were swimming ahead of her pushing jelly fish out of her way. I guess that if you wanted to swim that distance just fucking swim in a pool back and forth for hours. I understand she had to deal with salt water and shit and I commend her for that but still, don’t cheat. Plain and simple.

• Kimye (Kim Kardashian and Kanye West)- No, this is stupid. I feel like every year Barbara needs to do something with the Kardashian’s, this is overboard though. Kimye is not a person, iti s a science experiment.

• NSA leaker Edward Snowden- I don’t know who he is because I only focus on celebrity culture but sure, he can stay.

Taylor Swift and Lorde party together!

T.Swift has been finishing up her Australian leg of her Red tour and during this time she turned 24. Well it looks like she is now besties with the one and only Lorde. Most people know that Lorde threw shade at Taylor Swift saying she was too perfect or some shit like that. T.Swift clearly wanted to prove to Lorde that she is perfect so she forced Lorde to befriend with her. Now her and Lorde are friends, tadah!

Can you imagine if these two teamed up for a collaboration? That needs to happen RIGHT THE FUCK NOW. We are never ever ever going to be royals, that is probably what it would sound like.

I must say I am a bit offended though, how didn’t I get an invite to this party? I mean I love T.Swift, I love Lorde and that is that! I should have been the first in line when it came to this party. I guess that they knew I have a busy life though, it is cool I will forgive them.

Selena Gomez and Demi Lovato are adorable.

Can we just talk about how cute these two are? Recently it was reported that Demi went to go speed to a group about her substance abuse and her self harming but she brought a special guest. Selena! These two have been friends since they were tiny tots so it is absolutely adorable right? For a little while Demi was throwing shade about her friendship with Taylor but it looks like it is all water under the bridge now.

I do have a question though, why don’t they have a song together yet? Don’t they realize that song would be platinum within two minutes of its release…think about it girls,

R.Kelly compares Chris Brown to Jesus.

Chris Brown, who is currently on a court-ordered 90 day stint in rehab, has found himself a sympathizer in R. Kelly.

The Trapped in the Closet R&B star, who has seen his fair share of controversy himself, went off on all of Breezy’s haters, calling them “weak”!

But to make matters even more ridiculous, he then compared Chris to the likes of Muhammad Ali, Martin Luther King Jr. and JESUS!

Uh huh…

R. Kelly explained his reasoning, saying:

“I only feel sorry for weak people. And mostly what I’ve come to find is that the weak people are the ones that are the haters. The ones that’s talking about Chris Brown, or R. Kelly, or anybody that’s successful? I feel sorry for them, not Chris Brown, because he’s obviously one strong individual to be able to do what he’s done. He got knocked down a little bit and he climbed up. You know, that sounds like Ali to me. That sounds like Martin Luther King to me. That sounds like a lot of the greats that have walked this earth. It even sounds a little bit like Jesus to me.”

– See more at: http://perezhilton.com/2013-12-10-r-kelly-thinks-chris-brown-is-like-martin-luther-king-and-jesus#sthash.S3N7mGES.dpuf

Two people that I cannot stand at all. R.Kelly and Chris Brown. I think that we can agree that R.Kelly is actually a hater on himself. Let’s be real no one gives a fuck about you anymore. Just because you did a song with Lady Gaga doesn’t mean your career is going to come back. Your career ended when you allegedly pissed on a little 14 year old girl. Then you tried to come back but you came out with like 9 different chapters of trapped in a closet and then people wished that you were in fact trapped in a closet so no one could hear you.

Calling Chris Brown and R.Kelly anything more than scumbags is a joke right? I hope that R.Kelly was joking about this situation. Unless R.Kelly is more Kanye West, than Kanye West is Kanye West. Are you following? That’s okay neither am I.

R.Kelly you pissed on little girls and Chris Brown beats women and throws bricks at his mother. Both are pieces of shit. The end.

No.

Just….no.

Chris Brown, who is currently on a court-ordered 90 day stint in rehab, has found himself a sympathizer in R. Kelly.

The Trapped in the Closet R&B star, who has seen his fair share of controversy himself, went off on all of Breezy’s haters, calling them “weak”!

But to make matters even more ridiculous, he then compared Chris to the likes of Muhammad Ali, Martin Luther King Jr. and JESUS!

Uh huh…

R. Kelly explained his reasoning, saying:

“I only feel sorry for weak people. And mostly what I’ve come to find is that the weak people are the ones that are the haters. The ones that’s talking about Chris Brown, or R. Kelly, or anybody that’s successful? I feel sorry for them, not Chris Brown, because he’s obviously one strong individual to be able to do what he’s done. He got knocked down a little bit and he climbed up. You know, that sounds like Ali to me. That sounds like Martin Luther King to me. That sounds like a lot of the greats that have walked this earth. It even sounds a little bit like Jesus to me.”

You know what THIS sounds like to us?? It sounds like R. Kelly is drinking the same cookoo Kool-Aid as Kanye West!

C’mon, Robert! We know you know better than to ACTUALLY think Brown belongs in even the same sentence as those men!

After those comments, we’re sure Chrissy is just listening to THIS on nonstop repeat now.

– See more at: http://perezhilton.com/2013-12-10-r-kelly-thinks-chris-brown-is-like-martin-luther-king-and-jesus#sthash.S3N7mGES.dpuf

No.